Feeling BLUE (again)

Dear my beloved blog...

Well, I am feeling so BLUE again. I thought that OL would make me feel better, but looking at his status on Facebook just made me feel more BLUE. It means that I don't feel any better, this feeling is getting worse, because of Facebook. And I know that I've got you, the only one that I can share my feelings when he can't be there for me or when facebook just can't help me anymore.

Well, I don't care if he will read it or not... because I'm not talking to anyone right now, I'm talking to myself, because this blog is my soulmate. Writing on this blog is just the same with talking to myself, and this is the best way to make me feel better (beside sleeping).

I am feeling so BLUE. I know that I've done a mistake or maybe a big mistake, but I've told him that I am sorry. I've written a note for him, even sent him messages, but he just ignored everything. He ignored everything.... and the sadest thing that I know that he's ignoring me right now. He keeps RUNING AWAY from me, because I am like a source of problem for him, and he should study for his Physics test for tomorrow.

I know that I've done a lot of mistakes, or maybe too many mistakes, and I've told him that I am sorry for like a million times. I know that I hurt him, and I deserve this. Now he ignores me, and it hurts me. All that I feel inside is only pain, and I know I deserve this. That's why he never wants to tell what he wants, because it is clear enough that I DESERVE THIS, and NO APOLOGIZE FOR ME.... By ignoring all my messages and my small note (I even don't know if he read it or not), it's clear enough that I'VE DONE LIKE A VERY GIANT BIG MISTAKE for him and MY VERY GIANT BIG SORRY IS NOT ENOUGH. And I cannot do anything to make it up for him.

I am so sad and sorry...

But I'm still waiting... waiting for him to get out from his HIDING place. I don't know where he's hiding right now. But I'm still waiting and hoping that he'll come and say that EVERYTHING'S FINE and that HE IS OKAY.

Everybody makes mistake, and so do I...

I am so sorry for what I have done to you...

"I know that I hurt you, and I'm so sorry... If this sorry is not enough, please tell me what I should do to make it up for you... I need you to talk to me, not to runaway from me..."

LOL, Ete