A.L.O.N.E

Dear you, my dearest blog....

I am so alone here, and I dunno why. I’ve got my friends, my family, even my boyfriend. But I still feel so alone here. Feels like I’m standing alone everyday in my own way.

It’s December, and I just feel NOTHING. Nothing’s so special, nothing’s so good and nothing’s so nice to make me feel any better. I am so alone, and I just let my self drowning in this lonely feeling. Sometimes I think that I’m cool with this situation, but I realize that that’s all lie, I am not cool with this situation. And now I am so tired of pretending about my feeling. I’m a great prentender, but the great pretender now is being tired of pretending.

Yes, I pretend to everyone that I’m cool and I’m okay, but everytime I’m alone everywhere, I realize that I’m always pretending. I am not cool and I am not okay with this feeling.

I just dunno why. Actually, I’ve always needed someone to stay with me everywhere and everytime, someone who cares, knows who I really am, and someone who makes me stand in the right way. Sometimes I ask to my self, “why is everyone not around when I need them???”.

I never felt this way before. I’ve never been so alone like this time.

Sometimes I think that I am a cool Phlegmatism girl, but this time my Sanguine and Melancholic sides are speaking. I never wanna be alone, but now I feel so alone, feels like no one cares about how I feel. But how will they know what I feel if I never tell them that I am so alone??? It’s so complicated.

Well, I’m not good at speaking about my feeling that’s why I keep all my feeling in my diary, and that’s why no one ever knows about how I feel. And if no one knows, no one cares.

I usually write about my feeling or throw all of my stuffs in my room or maybe cry like a baby, when I feel sad or anything.

And here it is....

This is my blog, and this is the only place that makes me feel like there’s someone/something that cares about me when I am alone. Because here I am free to share everything that I feel, or everything that I want or need in my life. Thank GOD that He makes me quite good at writing, although not good at speaking. Because by writing everything that I feel inside, I do feel better, a lot better, but still feel alone.

I wish that GOD sends me someone who will stay with me everywhere, everytime, no matter what. But, that’s a stupid wish. Because I should have known that GOD’s here, always here wherever I am, always stand with me everywhere, everytime, no matter what. I just can’t see HIM, but I know GOD’s watching over me, even if no one’s here to stay. And the sweetest thing that I know is that HE will never ever leave me. I just need to have faith, more faith in HIM.

GOD... please help me... I just dunno what to do anymore... I feel so BLUE, even GREEN, BLACK, BROWN, and whatever...

I am so alone....