Dear my blog...

Thank God, I could spend my Christmas day with my family from Jayapura. I was so happy to spend my Christmas time with my mum, my dad, and my brother. I love them... a lot....

Well, the happiest thing that I always get in my Christmas time is that being with my family. I am so glad to see and being together again in Manado. I have been waiting this for such a long time, and all that I feel is that I MISS THEM SO MUCH. I miss my mum, my dad, especially my brother. And really thank God that He’s given me much time to be with them again on Christmas day.

I am a family girl. For me, family is the most important thing. I love my family, I love them a lot. They are always there when I feel bad about my self, and always try to understand me. They don’t even need to try to understand me, because they do really understand me a lot.

Spending all my time with them, just make me feel so different. I feel like I find my self again, and I feel like I finally find who I really am with them. I always can be who I am in front of them, without being worried about thinking that they will like me or not, because I know that they love me, and they will always love me for who I really am. I just don’t need to think too much about what I should do, what I should say or what I should wear in front of them. I just can do everything I want, I can say everything that I should say, and I’m not afraid about my look, or about everything I wear.

It is like a different world, with a different me. Here with my family, I find who I really am, and I get my confidence again. I get all my spirit again, and I feel like I am motivated again to be the real me. They all believe in me although it’s so hard for me to believe in my self. They all say that I am a brilliant girl, and really... with them all, I can prove to the world and to my self that I am really a brilliant girl, if I just can be who I really am.

But, living here without them all is so difficult. They are all here only for Christmas day, and then they are going to back to Jayapura, and I will be missing them again, and I will lose my self again. I don’t know what I should do without them all here. I’m gonna miss them all.

Right now, I have to learn to find my self without my family. I need to find my self again, and be who I really am again. But I am just so afraid about what other people would think about me. Well, it really sounds like I’m losing my confidence again.

I don’t know what I should do, but I know that I have to believe in my self, because it’s the only way.

At the time like this, I think I need to listen to Demi Lovato song, THIS IS ME. The song means so much to me...

“no more hiding who I wanna be... this is me...”

Well, yeah... I have to be who I wanna be.... and I have to believe in me....

I wish everything’s gonna be alright here... and I pray for it...

^^

Lots of LOVE...

sweetester14

7 Things

1 2 3 4

Dung dung dung dung dung dung dung SYAH!!!

Dung dung dung dung dung dung dung SYAH!!!

Dung dung dung dung dung dung dung SYAH!!!

Hmmm.... is there anyone thinking what I'm thinking???

Well, actually it's not about Miley Cyrus' song, 7 Things... I am just copying the opening of the 7 Things song by Miley Cyrus.

Today, I am gonna write about 7 Things, but not the song actually. I will write something about that 7 Things, and today my 7 Things will be about 7 THINGS I WANT THIS CHRISTMAS....

Well, we are now on December and absolutely we all have our christmas list for the christmas time, and I have my own christmas list which about the 7 things that I want this christamas...

Okay... So now, please take a look on my 7 THINGS:

1. I wanna be with My Whole Family. I've never spent my christmas without my whole family (my mummy, daddy, and bro). So I really want to spend this christmas holiday with my whole family here in Manado. I don't wanna have a blue christmas without my parents and my only brother here. I want them to be here together with me, my grandparents, cousins, uncles and aunts. Well, that sounds like a sweet christmas day....

2. Shopping. Well, for christmas time shopping is a must. I wanna spend this christmas time to shop until I drop. I have made my list "many things that I must have at christmas time", and I think I need big budget to get my list. But it's okay, it only happen once a year, right??? Well, usually I become a big spender for christmas time. hehehehe...

3. New Dress. It's been a tradition to have a new dress for christmas time. Well, I don't really need this, but I am sure that I really want this, because everywhere I see NEW DRESS, and I just can't wait to choose one of them to be mine. ^^

4. New Shoes. I don't usually buy new shoes for christmas time. But this time I really need new shoes, because my old shoes are.... whatever, they are no longer in good condition. So I think that I need new shoes. Well, the problem is that I have a very big size of shoes (my size is 41), and it's very difficult to find shoes for me. But fortunately, I've got a girlie shoes for me which I bought in a girlie shop (didn't need to mention it). My shoes are 41, and its colors are black and white. I just can't wait to wear my shoes. I love it!!!

5. Visiting Many Interesting Places. Well, although I come from Manado, but I don't live here a lot. I have spent 9 years of my time in Jayapura (the place where I was born), so that I haven't visited so many interesting places here. I think I'd like to go to Bunaken (actually I haven't been there yet) or Sangir Island (the place where my mum comes from), but it's kinda impossible, because to reach both of them we need to take a boat or ship, and mum is just so worried about that. I do wish I could visit both of them this christmas, but well, maybe it's not the right time. Maybe next time....

6. Christmas Foods & Drinks. hehehehe... I love eating a lot of food on christmas day, because the foods are sooo tasty here on christmas day, especially the cookies... hmm... mamamia lezatos... I love them soooo much, my favorite one is good time, the chocolate cookies with choco chips upon the cookies. Sooo yummy... and then the drinks, I love drinking soft drink on christmas time, the best soft drink on christmas time is coke with ice. I just can't wait until christmas to eat and drink a lot of foods and drinks.

7. A Christmas Gift. Actually I don't usually get a christmas gift from anyone. But I do really wish I would get a christmas gift from this year. It doesn't matter what it is, the most important thing is that the meaning of the gift. Well, but it's not really important, I just want it. I want a christmas gift, whatever the gift will be, or whoever will give me the gift. I don't care, the gift jus has to be special and unforgetable for me. hahahaha3x... it sounds like a crazy wish...

Hmm.... I think that's all...

The 7 things I want this Christmas Time...

^^

Have a wonderful Christmas Day, all...

GBUs forever

Love and Peace for the Earth!!!

By. SweetEst_1409

14 December 2009

Dear my blog...

Aloha... long time no see... Maklum gw orang sibuk en punya jam terbang tinggi, jadi ya gitu, menulis di sini cuma bisa di sela-sela waktu gw yang super duper padat. Cie, biasa aja kaleeeee.

Berhubung gw lagi benar-benar en sungguh-sungguh gak niat buat belajar, ditambah lagi dengan materi kuliah yang NIHIL di tangan, jadi seharian ini habis kuliah, gw pergi mengurus hal terpenting saat ini yaitu mobil gw.

Ngomong-ngomong soal mobil. Hikz, gw lagi sedih mikirin mobil gw. Arghhh, ini semua gara-gara gw... Hari Sabtu lalu tepatnya tanggal 12 Desember 2009, gw habis latihan twiling sore-sore buat natal kampus, gw parkir mobil tepatnya di depan ruko (di sebelah ruko teman gw), dan terjadilah tragedi itu.

Pas udah habis latihan, gw mau keluarin mobil dari halaman parkir ruko. Dan seperti biasa mobil distart dan gw mulai pindahin kopling ke posisi mundur. Gw mundurin mobil dan banting stir ke arah kiri, terus, terus, terus, terus, dan BRUK!!!!!!!! OMG... apa yang terjadi??? Gw kira ada mobil lain yang tabrakan, dan gw sempat kira kalo ada orang yang melempar mobil gw dari belakang. Pas gw lihat ke belakang, TIDAAAAKKKKK!!!!, gw udah nabrak tiang listrik yang selama tadi lepas dari perhatian gw. Langsung aja gw pindahin mobil ke posisi yang aman, terus turun dari mobil.

Habis keluar dari mobil, dan melihat keadaan mobil gw. Lutut dan badan gw langsung lemas semua, pas lihat kaca mobil gw pecah en nyaris lepas dari bingkainya, terus pintu bagasi peyot-peyot dan penuh lecet, dan bemper belakang terkupas. Rasanya gw mau melarikan diri ke mana kek, atau kalo bisa gw pengen memutar waktu supaya kejadian itu gak terjadi, dan gak pernah terjadi.

Well, tapi nasi sudah menjadi bubur. Mobil udah rusak gitu gak mungkin bisa disulap jadi bagus dalam waktu yang singkat, jadi jalan keluar satu-satunya adalah CALL MY MUM. Hmm, bersyukur banget deh gw gak dimarahin, gw cuma disuruh pergi klaim kerusakan di asuransi mobil en habis itu bawa mobil ke bengkel di dealer Daihatsu.

Well, tapi kejadian itu udah berlalu 2 hari dan kondisi mobil gw masih separah hari itu saat ini. Jadi untuk mengembalikan mobil gw ke keadaan semula, gw bersama om dan tante gw pergi ke GRAHA OTO (kalo gak salah namanya kaya gitu) di Boulevard, untuk klaim kerusakan mobil. Dan besok rencana mobil gw akan dimasukan ke bengkel dealer Daihatsu. Hikz, hikz, hikz....

Sedih banget deh selama libur natal, gw gak bisa melihat, menyentuh, dan mengendarai si beige Daihatsu Xenia gw, yang masih muda dan lugu itu. Tabrakan dengan tiang listrik itu rasanya terlalu berat untuk mobil seumuran dia. Tapi syukurlah, gw gak kenapa-napa, dan untung yang ditabrak cuma tiang listrik bukan orang ataupun kendaraan lain.

Pelajaran dari kejadian itu: gw mesti extra hati-hati dan teliti saat mundurin mobil, jangan lupa untuk selalu kontrol kaca-kaca spion, dan yang paling penting berdoa dong sebelum berpindah posisi.

And for your safety drive, please fasten your seat belt...

^^

LOL,

sweetest

Hate The Way I Feel

Do you ever feel like you hate what you feel inside your heart???

That's what I feel right now...

I hate the way I feel inside my heart... I hate this feeling a lot...

Well, it's really not a big problem, actually. But I've made this problem more complicated than before.

And then it makes me feel so.... annoying, but after that it makes me feel so angry...

I get so selfish everytime I talk about this thing. I always think that I am in the right side, and I will always be the right side.

I don't want to listen to everyone that I love, I just keep my self drowning in this feeling, and I can't stop telling my self that I am the only one who is right.

I get more and more selfish each day, because of this problem, and this feeling makes me feel so bad, that deep down inside my heart I know that I'm doing a mistake.

My eyes are blind to see that everyone makes mistakes, and no body's really perfect, and that's why I should learn to forgive and forget.

Although my deepest heart whisper to me that I am wrong, I just don't wanna listen. I try harder to keep my self thinking that I am on the right side, and everyone's the mistake.

I am so selfish, and actually I really hate this feeling.

I hate to see the truth that I start to act like I am somebody else, I start to act like an evil girl, and I almost forget about who I really am.

I hate to see all the truths, and most of all I hate to feel this feeling.

But what am I suppose to do??? I am only human, I don't know where to go to make me feel any better. I just don't know what to do to makes this feeling just dissapear.

But now... I am trying... trying hard to change for a better thing... for a better me... for a sweeter me...

I need to change my way no matter what...

Because this feeling has made me lost my way, made me lost about who I should be and who I really am...

And I am so sorry to my self about this feeling...

I promise, not to be so selfish again...and I promise to my self that I will change to be a better person... and learn to forgive and forget about all the mistakes...

LOL,

SweetEster14

Feeling BLUE (again)

Dear my beloved blog...

Well, I am feeling so BLUE again. I thought that OL would make me feel better, but looking at his status on Facebook just made me feel more BLUE. It means that I don't feel any better, this feeling is getting worse, because of Facebook. And I know that I've got you, the only one that I can share my feelings when he can't be there for me or when facebook just can't help me anymore.

Well, I don't care if he will read it or not... because I'm not talking to anyone right now, I'm talking to myself, because this blog is my soulmate. Writing on this blog is just the same with talking to myself, and this is the best way to make me feel better (beside sleeping).

I am feeling so BLUE. I know that I've done a mistake or maybe a big mistake, but I've told him that I am sorry. I've written a note for him, even sent him messages, but he just ignored everything. He ignored everything.... and the sadest thing that I know that he's ignoring me right now. He keeps RUNING AWAY from me, because I am like a source of problem for him, and he should study for his Physics test for tomorrow.

I know that I've done a lot of mistakes, or maybe too many mistakes, and I've told him that I am sorry for like a million times. I know that I hurt him, and I deserve this. Now he ignores me, and it hurts me. All that I feel inside is only pain, and I know I deserve this. That's why he never wants to tell what he wants, because it is clear enough that I DESERVE THIS, and NO APOLOGIZE FOR ME.... By ignoring all my messages and my small note (I even don't know if he read it or not), it's clear enough that I'VE DONE LIKE A VERY GIANT BIG MISTAKE for him and MY VERY GIANT BIG SORRY IS NOT ENOUGH. And I cannot do anything to make it up for him.

I am so sad and sorry...

But I'm still waiting... waiting for him to get out from his HIDING place. I don't know where he's hiding right now. But I'm still waiting and hoping that he'll come and say that EVERYTHING'S FINE and that HE IS OKAY.

Everybody makes mistake, and so do I...

I am so sorry for what I have done to you...

"I know that I hurt you, and I'm so sorry... If this sorry is not enough, please tell me what I should do to make it up for you... I need you to talk to me, not to runaway from me..."

LOL, Ete

5 December 2009

Aloha my cute blog....

Gw masih pengen nulis nih, maar so capek nulis pake "mother tongue" alias bahasa Inggris... hehehe3x... Jadi, izinkanlah gw yang baik hati en gak sombong ini nulis pake "father tongue" gw, alias bahasa gado-gado.

Mo pake I, gw, aku, kita, atau whateverlah sama aja. Yang penting maksud tersampaikan.

Hari ini gw hepi, kesal, sad, etc. Gw hepi karena hari ini opa yang udah 2 minggu lebih dirawat di RS Prof. Kandouw Manado udah dibolehin keluar dari rumah sakit. Gw hepi deh pokoknya, karena itu berarti kondisi opa udah membaik, dan gw udah bisa bawa mobil gw lagi...

hehehe3x... peace!!!

2 minggu lebih gak bawa mobil, rasanya hampa banget deh. Gw kangen banget sama mobil Xenia warna beige dengan plat nomor DB 4190 AK yang biasa gw bawa ke kampus itu. hehehe3x, kangen banget... Cape deh tiap hari ke mall pake BMW (Biru Muda Warnanya) alias mikrolet karena gak ada mobil. Tapi akhirnya, setelah lama sudah menunggu, opa gw udah agak baikan, dan mobil gw udah bisa gw bawa lagi...

Trus gw juga lagi kesal. Tapi yang ini gak perlu dibahas lebih lanjut. Soalnya gw udah promise kalo gw gak akan ungkit-ungkit masalah ini lagi. Pokoknya gue kesal, kesal, kesal, en kesal banget sama.... (well, udahlah te, gak penting) don't waste ur time thinking about the people u don't like, because ur time is too worthwhile... cie...

Gw juga sedih... Gw akhir-akhir ini jadi sering kesepian gitu deh. Tapi, udahlah ini bukan masalah besar sampe mesti jadi berita utama di blog gw. Pokoknya gw alone gitu lah, dan bagi gw perasaan ini normal-normal aja kok. Semua orang pasti pernah merasa yang namanya alone ato yang sejenisnya lah. Pokoknya gw alone, kayanya butuh extra perhatian, cuma gw gak dapatin extra perhatian itu. Tapi udahlah Te, life must go on...

Hari ini gw ekspresif banget deh, mulai dari hepi, kesal, sampe sedih ada di hati gw. Sampe gw gak tau mana yang paling banyak gw rasakan saat ini. Intinya ya kaya gitu.

***

Hmm,, dasar cewek,, kerjanya nulis2 tentang perasaan deh. Iya, kayanya gw dari tadi nulis2 soal perasaan aja. Mending nulis tentang sesuatu yang lebih REAL deh, yang lebih nyata. Kalo perasaan kan rada2 ABSTRAK gitu.

Gini deh, hari ini Sabtu 5 Desember 2009, tepatnya 11.20 p.m gw sedang di kamar sendirian dan kesepian. Seharian ini gw habiskan waktu gw yang berharga untuk hal2 yang gak penting, kecuali ONLINE, TIDUR, dan MAKAN.

Gw online di facebook, twitter, YM, dan google. Karena capek, gw refreshing ke blog gw, dengan maksud untuk nulis2 lagi. Dan ternyata berhasil, capek gw hilang. Gw gak kehabisan ide buat menulis malam ini, tanpa ngantuk lagi, dan kemungkinan besar gw bakalan insomnia gara2 sendirian di kamar sambil online, apalagi gak ada teman cerita2 di kamar.

Gw tadi sebenarnya diajak nginap di Paniki, di rumahnya sepupu gw, tapi berhubung mata busuk gw yang gak bisa ditolerir sampe akhirnya gw ketiduran, dan tambah lagi cara tidur gw yang kaya baby sampe orang2 pada gak tega untuk bangunin, akhirnya gw gak jadi pergi ke Paniki. Jadinya gw sendirian deh di kamar. Hikz....

Tapi, karena gw sendiri, jadinya ide gampang banget mengalir buat menulis.

Tadi gw sempat chatting via-YM sama BBF dan sama orang yang gw gak tahu asalnya darimana, trus sama teman facebook gw yang tiba2 offline karena mesti sembayang. Hmm,, hari ini sebenarnya cukup menyenangkan. Gw senang banyak orang2 baru dari dunia maya yang pengen bicara sama gw di saat orang2 di dunia nyata udah terlelap, atau mungkin lagi sibuk sama pekerjaan mereka.

Well, apapun yang terjadi di hari ini, gw yakin hari esok akan selalu jadi lebih baik dari hari ini... dan gw akan menulis en share lebih banyak hal lagi disini...

LOL (lots of love),

sweetest---sweetester

Welcome December

It's December....

And I just don't know what I should do. I am so busy thinking about what I think, doing about what I do, and feeling about how I feel.

At this time, I'm not busy at all, because I am thinking about NOTHING, doing NOTHING, and feeling NOTHING. I am so NOTHING, and that's so crazy.

I've been waiting for 11 months to get my most favorite time of the year, and it has come... It's called DECEMBER. Although all that I'm thinking about, doing, and feeling is nothing, I still feel so excited about December. I am still alone now, but I am excited about December.

What do you first think about when you know that it's DECEMBER???

Of course, most people will think about CHRISTMAS and HOLIDAY when they realize that it's now DECEMBER. Everyone loves CHRISTMAS and HOLIDAY, and so do I.

I do love December, and the only reason why I love December is CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY. I love christmas and I love holiday, put them together and it will be "Christmas Holiday", and it sounds PERFECT.

This December is quite different with other Decembers, because I get a very hard December this year. It's December but I often feel alone and even lonely, and I get many troubles, that finally I decide not to talk about anymore. Beside that, I get a very hard module in campus, it's called MEDICAL TERMINOLOGY. So, all that I can do this December is that try to memorize as many terms as I can. And this lonely feeling inside just can't help me to study about my Terminology module.

Well, like mummy always says, "NEVER GIVE UP". And like Demi Lovato sings in her song, "DON'T SURRENDER, SURRENDER, SURRENDER... PLEASE REMEMBER, REMEMBER DECEMBER...". So, I will never ever give up. I will always try and try not to feel alone anymore, try to be a strong, powerful and beautiful girl, and try to study hard. And that's the spirit, girl!!!

I really can't wait until my beloved family (mum, dad, and bro) come here for Christmas Holiday. I really can't wait. I've been missing them a lot since I came here. I miss them more and more... and maybe that's the one reason why I feel so alone here. But,, just stay cool and calm until they arrive here. Keep the spirit inside, and give the best smile for my December...

I don't wanna have a BLUE CHRISTMAS theme this year. I want my RED, GREEN, and GOLD CHRISTMAS like I always have.

I love the 3 colours on Christmas day. They are sooo PERFECT...

And the last but not least that I really want to say is:

"WELCOME DECEMBER"

Well, It's kinda late, but it's okay...

I still have my 1st December spirit to share in my blog...

XOXO

sweetest

A.L.O.N.E

Dear you, my dearest blog....

I am so alone here, and I dunno why. I’ve got my friends, my family, even my boyfriend. But I still feel so alone here. Feels like I’m standing alone everyday in my own way.

It’s December, and I just feel NOTHING. Nothing’s so special, nothing’s so good and nothing’s so nice to make me feel any better. I am so alone, and I just let my self drowning in this lonely feeling. Sometimes I think that I’m cool with this situation, but I realize that that’s all lie, I am not cool with this situation. And now I am so tired of pretending about my feeling. I’m a great prentender, but the great pretender now is being tired of pretending.

Yes, I pretend to everyone that I’m cool and I’m okay, but everytime I’m alone everywhere, I realize that I’m always pretending. I am not cool and I am not okay with this feeling.

I just dunno why. Actually, I’ve always needed someone to stay with me everywhere and everytime, someone who cares, knows who I really am, and someone who makes me stand in the right way. Sometimes I ask to my self, “why is everyone not around when I need them???”.

I never felt this way before. I’ve never been so alone like this time.

Sometimes I think that I am a cool Phlegmatism girl, but this time my Sanguine and Melancholic sides are speaking. I never wanna be alone, but now I feel so alone, feels like no one cares about how I feel. But how will they know what I feel if I never tell them that I am so alone??? It’s so complicated.

Well, I’m not good at speaking about my feeling that’s why I keep all my feeling in my diary, and that’s why no one ever knows about how I feel. And if no one knows, no one cares.

I usually write about my feeling or throw all of my stuffs in my room or maybe cry like a baby, when I feel sad or anything.

And here it is....

This is my blog, and this is the only place that makes me feel like there’s someone/something that cares about me when I am alone. Because here I am free to share everything that I feel, or everything that I want or need in my life. Thank GOD that He makes me quite good at writing, although not good at speaking. Because by writing everything that I feel inside, I do feel better, a lot better, but still feel alone.

I wish that GOD sends me someone who will stay with me everywhere, everytime, no matter what. But, that’s a stupid wish. Because I should have known that GOD’s here, always here wherever I am, always stand with me everywhere, everytime, no matter what. I just can’t see HIM, but I know GOD’s watching over me, even if no one’s here to stay. And the sweetest thing that I know is that HE will never ever leave me. I just need to have faith, more faith in HIM.

GOD... please help me... I just dunno what to do anymore... I feel so BLUE, even GREEN, BLACK, BROWN, and whatever...

I am so alone....